


One Ring To Bind Us All

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [34]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily, Bruce is highly emotional, Crack, Damian is a little prince, Dick exudes sparkle princess power!, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Jason is generally irreverent, Luthor is horrified by the farm life, Timmy's fashion blog, batbros, bow down to him peasants, daddy!Bats, everyone is very emotional, timmy gets engaged!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 23:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18509746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Timmy gets a ring.Damian looks amazing.Lex is bamboozled by Clark's farmboy ways,And Bruce is always going to be Tim's daddy, no matter what anyone says.





	One Ring To Bind Us All

  
Kon-El Kent harboured a deep secret, currently hidden in the breast pocket of his best dress shirt.

A very round, glittery secret.

The previous night, Kon had shown his family the engagement ring that he'd picked out for Tim, and sent his Ma into transports of hysterical delight, because her little Konnie was going to propose, oh gosh nellie.

Clark looked a little dumbfounded, but ended up sniffling emotionally like the big dweeb that he was, and in a fit of utter sentimentality, professed that he was proud of the young man Kon had become.

Lois' congratulations were effusive and heartfelt, and she offered him advice on how to plan the surprise proposal. Kon loved his sister-in-law, she was his role model and was too good for a goober like Clark.

Then Ma Kent had insisted that surprise proposal or not, she had raised Kon to be honourable, and that he would get on bended knee and ask Tim's father for his permission, especially seeing as how attached Bruce was to his son.

And that was how Kon found himself in front of Mr. Wayne's study, sweating anime sized droplets of sweat and praying to every diety to protect him in his quest to secure Tim's tiny, dainty, and nonetheless lethal hand in marriage.

Kon knocked, and awaited his fate.

"Enter," Bruce's voice called, and Kon enered the maw of the beast.

"Mr. Wayne," Kon greeted, but was unable to say more. The ambience of the room threw him off completely. Bruce was seated behind the ancient rosewood desk, resting against a large, plush chair that looked not unlike a throne.

Behind Bruce stood Jason, carelessly sliding his finger up and down the fire poker. Dick was sitting on the armrest, louging expertly, in a manner that was both seductive and belied a subtle ruthlessness. On Bruce's lap sat Terry, who tried to emulate his uncle and father, and attempted to look menacing from his baby pink swaddle.

That left Damian.

Damian, who had snuck up behind Kon, and was poking him with a tiny, but nonetheless evil looking dagger. Not unlike himself, really.

With a final poke that ushered Kon inside, Damian ran back to his family and settled into Dick's waiting arms like a smug little toad on his lilypad. Seeing the family together, Kon trembled.

"M-Mr. Wayne," Kon quavered.

"Kon-El," Bruce addressed him evenly.

Kon squared his shoulders and gathered every shred of his courage. "Thank you for m-meeting me, sir," he said. "I wanted to speak to you regarding my relationship with Timmy-"

"You're not going to break up."  
Kon reeled. "Eh. No! Never! Timmy and I are soulmates!"

Bruce cringed at the perceived pronounciation of 'timmeh 'n ah're sowlmates', but soldiered on. "Then why did you request a meeting with me and my intimidation squad?"

Terry chose that moment to emit a coo, and Dick burst into a cloud of squee, effectively endng the advent of Bruce's Intimidation Squad. Bruce rolled his eyes and handed Terry over to Dick, and left Damian and Jason to escape the ensuing Fluff Cloud by themselves.

Damian, however, seemed to inch towards it.

"So," Bruce said, situating himself in a different chair, "why are you here, Kon-El?"

Kon straightened. "Sir, I would like to request your permission. I wish to propose to Timmy."

There was pindrop silence. Even Terry had stoppped his adorable cooing to stare, googly eyed, at Kon, much like how his fahers and uncles were staring. Using the silence, Kon extracted the ring from his breast pocket. "I saved up for months, sir. It's a modest ring, and the best that I can afford, but I love Timmy to the moon and back-"

"Yes."

"-and I would do everything in my power to keep him happy and safe - eh?"

Bruce stared at Kon. "Kon-El, you did not seriously think that I was about to say no, did you?"  
  
Kon reeled for the second time in a short while. "Really? B-but-?"

"I rather think that you and Tim are good for each other," Bruce admitted. "It's just that...Tim is the one that I have to protect the most. He's not big and strong, like Jason, or emotionally stable, like Dick, or utterly sure of himself, like Cassie.

"Tim is so much, but thinks so little of himself, and I have always had to protect him from himself. I am overprotective, I know," Bruce admitted, "but I have only ever sought to keep Tim safe. And he has only ever been truly safe with me, and his siblings. And now, with you."

Kon breathed in sharply. "I understand, Mr. Wayne," he said sincerely.

"I don't actually hate you, you know," Bruce said carefully. "Dick says that I might sometime project my frustration at Clark's bunglings of the day on you."

"Clark does a lot of that," Kon agreed, "bungling."

"But then again," Bruce continued, "Clark is the closest thing I have to a brother. Familal bungling is acceptable." Bruce sighed. "What I am saying, Kon-El, in a very roundabout way, is - welcome to the family."

Kon's knees gave out, and he sank to the floor, looking very much like a knight kneeling beore his king. "S-sir, I-"

"You've given Tim happiness and safety," Bruce said. "You have encouraged Dmaian's use of magic. You let Dick and Jason lecture you about the use of various materials in dildos. You let Cass practice doing nails on you. You change Terry's diapers. You are, for all intents and purposes, a Wayne."

Kon's eyes brimmed over.

"There are, however, conditions."

Kon's tears evaporated.

"One," Bruce said, raising his finger, "a lawful wedding ceremony will not be held until Tim is twenty-one years old."

Kon nodded. "Oh, yes sir. Of course."

"Two," Bruce carried on, "Tim will live at home for the next three years until he turns twenty one. There will be no co-habitation.

"Three. If I catch you defiling Tim," Bruce said, his eyes narrowing, "there will be consequences."

"Got it sir," Kon said, "no being nasty. My Ma raised a gentleman sir, don't you worry."

"And speaking of parents," Bruce grumbled, "Luthor."

"Oh, dad," Kon said. "What about him? He loves Timmy, says he can finally rest in peace knowing that Timmy will take Lexcorp intergalactic."

Bruce sighed. He had not anticipated the camraderie between the ex-villain and his pure little Tim. "Those are my conditions, Kon-El. If you abide by them, your life will run smoothly. If not-"

"Sir?"

"Tim has become fast friends with the entity known as The Talon."

"Oh no."

"I think he is a foul person," Bruce said, "who wants to replace me in the role of Best Grandpa. But he likes Tim, and is learning how to code from him. In return, he punches people who stare at Tim's legs in his skirts, and pets his hair like a kitten."

"Timmy likes that," Kon nodded.

Bruce nodded. "So you have my permssion, Kon-El. I assume that you have your parent's permission as well?"

Kon nodded. "Ma was so pleased. And dad is going ham. He insists that we use his personal ballroom for the proposal, he's doing it up real nice, he's been clearing out all of his weapons and moodboards full of pictures of Clark being chased by cannons."

That was almost sweet, Bruce thought. He shook his head to clear it of the fluffy thought. "So you aim to do this in a public setting? If so, I would suggest keeping it closer to home. Using Luthor's overly ostenatious ballroom might be a bit of a giveaway."

"Oh, just family and friends, sir," Kon said. "Just the people Timmy is comfortable with."

"And Tim has some inkling that a proposal is coming?"

"He's been hinting at wanting one, sir," Kon blushed.

In reality, Tim had straddled Kon underneath the peach tree and yelled "Marry me! Make me yours forevermore so that we may make sweet love under the open skies!" whilst dry humping him.

But Bruce didn't need to know that.

Bruce nodded. "Then, go forth, Kon-El. You have my blessing."

Kon beamed. It would be the proposal of Timmy's dreams.

***

"A gala?" Tim asked, sitting up to attention.

Bruce nodded. "A gala for welcoming the Amazonian dignitaries. It's to be hosted in the Grand Ballroom of the Wayne Hotel. You are expected to wear your best-"

Tim was already up, fishing through his closet for something appropriately regal to suit the situation. "I can finally wear my new gown!" He squeaked. "Diana dresses like a fashion goddess, she'll be able to appreciate my tastes. Oh, I just can't wait-!"

Bruce inched out of the room, even as a teeny tiny miniskirt sailed through the air towards him. Bruce caught the garment and set his mind to burning it.

And that was how the rest of his sons found him in the kitchen, burning the tiny skirt on the stove.

"Is Tim getting ready?" Jason asked.

"The plan is working, he suspects nothing," Bruce affirmed.

"Oh, it will be so magical!" Dick enthused, a ripple of glittery happy magic radiating out from him. The magic hung in the air for a second before zipping over and covering Damian in an aura of warmth and purity and Love.

Bruce watched, nonplussed. "Dick, what-?"

"Watch the smoke detectors," Jason said, moving the tongs that Bruce was using to hold up the skirt over the fire. Just then, the cloth rustled, and a tiny, bejeweled garter fell out from where it had been caught on to the fibers of the skirt.

There was silence. Then, "TIMOTHY WAYNE!"

They heard a tiny 'Eep!' from upstairs and a clatter, which signalled Tim falling out of his chair in a hurry to hide. Bruce charged upstairs in a huff, leaving Jason and company to quite literally put out the fire.

"You gotta be more careful, Dickhead," Jason cautioned, even as Dick brushed the residual sparkle magic from Damian's hair. "You can't afford to lose control like that in public. Either you're magical as Dick Grayson-Wayne, gabillionaire heir, father to my godson, or as Nightwing, Winner of Tightest Vigilante Booty, years 2014-present- OW!"

"Cease speaking of Grayson's arse, Todd!" Damian scolded, shaking his foot out from where he had kicked Jason. "But Todd is correct, Grayson, you should be more careful," Damian said earnestly. "We must also break it to father gently, as he is likely to go into a worried snit when given any supernatural news reagrding us. We must never have a repeat of the Great Emotional Constipation Debacle of '18."

They took a moment to observe silence. 'Twas a terrible time of clogged commodes and extra servings of lettuce at every meal.

"We'd better get ready," Dick said, breaking the silence. "It's Timmy's big day!"

"Ew," Jason opined at Dick's enthusiasm, but picked Damian up and carried him away like a rugby ball.

"Release me, Todd! I must iron my ceremonial thawb!" Damian's cries continued down the hallway, as Dick grinned at Terry, who was watching from his high chair at the dining table.

"Da!" Terry chirped, reaching out. Dick laughed and picked his son up and twirled around the kitchen for a bit, releasing more sparkly fairy dust in his wake.

"Oop," he said, realizing he was the reason for the trail of sparkles. "Come on, Terry Berry, let's clean this up so grandpa Bruce won't have a conniption."

"Boos!"

Dick laughed and grabbed the mop. He couldn't help his happiness. After all, it wasn't every day that your little Timmy got engaged.

***

Bruce had to admit it - Tim really knew how to dress for the occasion. Tim was floating around the ballroom, looking resplendent in his form fitting, fit and flare red gown with gold details. His tasteful hints of jewelery sprakled at his wrist in the form of a gold bangle, and the overall effect was one of resplendence.

Bruce wanted to lock his son away in an ivory tower and murder Kon-El.

"I've never seen such beauty in my life."

And Luthor.

Bruce glared at his former nemesis as the bald man oozed up beside him. "A fine addition to the Luthor family," he prattled on, "clever, ruthless, and-"

"Quit while you're ahead," Bruce growled.

Luthor smirked. "I can't believe that you have a no kill policy," he snarked. "You must have a hell of a time of it."

"I meditate."

"The whiskey must help."

"I don't drink."

Luthor looked aghast. "Wayne, you have three crates of the world's oldest scotch in your cellars. Are you trying to tell me that you have never sampled your own alcohol?"

"I don't like the taste," Bruce insisted.

"I am agog," Luthor said, feeling every bit as agog as he had proclaimed. "Do you mean to tell me that you have maintained a playboy facade with only apple juice?"

"Lots of lesbian models helped," Bruce added. "They were keen to help out a fellow who didn't want to sleep with them."

"You don't want to sleep with models?"

"I'm monogamous."

"Ah, yes, Ms Kyle," Luthor remembered. "Really Wayne, you are full of surprises. Although, not nearly so much as Clark Kent, that corn husking, sweet potato pie swilling -"

Bruce's eyebrows rode up.

"-I swear, I don't know how I fell for that sweet-as-a-tootsie-roll show he put on all those years," Luthor continued to grumble. "And he turned out to be Superman. Him! I would have put good money on it being Lois, really. What's one more power for Superman? He could have been a shape shifter."

Bruce snorted elegantly. "You thought that Lois was Superman?"

"Yes, I did, and it's not so incredulous," Luthor defended himself. "Now I have to settle for secondary custody of my own child with a man who would like to stab me with a banana the minute my back is turned, and then say 'oopsie-doodle' and fly off-"

"Clark isn't Kon-El's father," Bruce said. "They're happy as brothers. Kon-El happily says that you are his father. Martha Kent, however, is the woman he calls mother, and for good reason."

"Mrs Kent is a fine woman. She is, however, the most passive aggressive baker I have ever seen. She once made me an apple pie and said 'bless your heart'. I fully believe that she did not want anything of the nature to happen to my heart. I think that that whole family is just full of scheming bitterness. The only ones who are decent, of course, are my own son and the little boy. Jon. Urgh, but what a common name. But's he's a sweet boy, completely unlike his shady side of beef father. He calls me 'Uncle Lex', you know, it's adorable."

"What ho, Luthor," Damian said, sweeping past in his finest robes, with a wine glass full of vanilla infused milk in his hand.

Bruce stifled a snicker as Lex dropped his face into his hands. "I can't believe that your entire family manages to have secret identities," Luthor bemoaned. "People throw eggs at me on the street, and no one has figured out who you all really are."

"You were a crook, though," Bruce pointed out.

"A now reformed crook," Luthor insisted. "I am legitimately a 'nice guy'. I invest in good causes."

Bruce snorted politely into his champagne flute filled with apple juice. "Oh, look, Clark has spotted us, and he's going to kill you with kindness and midwestern charm."

"Hello Y'all,"" Clark greeted them.

Luthor slumped against the table. Bruce made an excuse about distracting Tim and left Luthor to perish at Clark's thinly veiled polite hate and his frivolous use of contractions.

Suddenly, the lights dimmed, and Bruce fought the well founded urge to attack. Instead, he waited. Suddenly, a spotlight illuminated the spot where Kon and Tim stood, precisely in the centre of the ballroom.

Kon got down on one knee. Tim gasped.

Ma Kent gasped. Clark gasped.

Dick, who knew everything that was going to happen, still gasped. Strapped to his chest and dressed in a little starfish onesie, Terry also gasped, the pacifier falling from his tiny mouth.

"Oh my god, I'm surrounded by drama queens," Jason sighed.

Kon, however, had eyes only for Tim. "Timmy," Kon said, his voice husky wth emotion. "I can't go another day keeping these words to myself. You are the singular most perfect being in the universe, and somehow, the fates have decided that you, in all your glory, are my soulmate."

Bruce looked across the hall, and saw Lois mouthing along, gleeful to see her foray into romantic screenwriting coming to life. Suddenly, she stopped mouthing along.

This was all Kon.

"I want to devote my whole life to you, Timmy," Kon said, his voice low and earnest. "I want to spend every morning waking up to you, and end every night with your face being the last thing that I see.

"Our love has seen us through some tough times, babe," Kon continued. "And we've weathered every storm."

"Every horny, sinful storm," Jason whispered. Cass giggled.

"Oh, Kon," Tim sighed happily, "I've dreamt of this moment for so long. I've always known that we were going to become one. It's all I've ever wanted - to build a home with you, my noble nougat!"

"Oh, Tim, my precious peach!"

"Kon, my brilliant bagel!"

"My clever crumpet!"

"My perfect pomegranate!"

"Timmy!"

"Kon!"

"Marry me!"

"Of course!"

"Good god," Luthor said, completely in shock, as Tim fell into Kon's arms and the hall burst into applause. "What was that?"  
"First time you saw that, huh?" Clark said, patting his shoulder commiseratingly. "Yeah, they do that. They can get stuck in a loop that goes on for a while."

"I need to sit," Luthor said. "That was so sweet. I'm repulsed."

Jason sat down heavily next to Luthor. "Me too, man. Me too. Oh, hey, Tim and Kon just fell over in their throes of passion."

"Oh my god, they're on the floor!" Clark squeaked. "Someone separate them!"

"I do it," Cass said, and bravely grabbed a coat stand and nudged the two lovers apart.

Meanwhile, Tim emerged from his impromptu session of passion looking like he had just imbibed the sun - he was glowing in his happiness. Kon, too, looked gorgeous in his joy, happiness radiating from his every swole pore.

They spent the rest of the night together, with Tim hanging off of Kon's arm, and looking like the most inspid couple to ever grace the Earth.

"Timmy, congratulations!" Dick squealed, rushing over to hug the happy couple, with Jason tagging along.

"Yeah. Now in three years, you can shag each other without the fear of Bruce popping up," Jason said.

"For my little Timmy-bee, I can wait forever," Kon said, his eyes sparkling.

"Barf," Jason replied, and made little retching noises with Cass, and mimed throwing up on Damian's shorter head.

"I, too, offer my congratulations, Drake," Damian said, and accepted the hug that Dick chivved him and Tim into. "The male pregnancy spell is on page 394 of the grimoire!" He whispered.

"Mucho thanks," Tim whispered back, and put himself together again.

Cass stepped forward. "If you hurt Tim," she told Kon, "I break you."

"Oh no."

"Like so many enemy bones before you. I break them also."

"Please don't."

Bruce broke up the sibling session and placed himself in front of the happy couple. "Tim," he said, sounding choked. "I'm so happy for you."

Tim squeaked happily and accepted the hug that Bruce gave him, allowing himself to sink into the overwhelming amounts of muscle and dadliness. Then, Bruce turned to Kon.

"Kon-El."

"Yessir?"

"What Cass said."

"Oh dear."

Bruce smiled. "Welcome to the family."

"Yay?"

The rest of the evening continued without a hitch. Kon and Tim were lost in each other, and everyone spent the night dancing. When Terry wet his diaper (he was a baby, that's what they do) and Dick was bustling around the changing area, Jason took it upon himself to hand Terry off to Wally - "Go and spend some quality ime with your son, Wallace" - and stole Dick to dance with.

"Can I have my husband back, please?" Wally asked, when he was done.

"No," Jason replied simply. "Dance with Roy, you're both disaster people on the dance floor. I want to dance with someone who knows their shit."

Roy and Wally wisely opted not to tempt fate (and their toe health) and instead pretended to be straight and talked about sports, before giving up in two minutes and switching to talk about colour schemes for Terry's christening ceremony.

Damian had finagled Duke into dancing with him. "Come, Thomas. As my Colin is unavailable due to the flu, you can be my date."

"Dames, I can't dance-"

"Nonsense, man, I have seen you dance before."

"I mean," Duke said carefully, "that there's a significant height difference, and I can't, um, bend that much, and - oh," he said, as Damian clambered into his arms. "I get it now," he said, as Dick rushed forward to snap pictures of Duke cradling Damian like a bag of groceries.

"It's kind of sad," Jason said, as Duke danced with Damian in a fireman's carry, "that Damian can't dance with anyone his own size. Colin's kind of clumsy. I wonder why Clark won't bring Jon to events."

"Clark says that Jon needs his sleep to be up bright and early for the milking, oh look," Dick said. "Clark's lecturing Kon."

"-nice that you are engaged, but you can't forget your responisiblities to the cows, Kon, they have to be milked early in the morning. We should probably go home so that you can get your sleep-"

"-oh my god, Clark, why are you talking about cows tonight of all nights? You're such a goober, ugh, why don't you do the milking-"

"-because they don't like the feel of my rough hands! Yours and Jon's are much smoother," Clark protested, "And anyway, I have to harvest the honey, and everyone else is too scared of the poor bees-"

"-not scared, I just don't like that noise they make, that nnnnnnzzzzzzzz-"

"-but that's so calming-"

"What are we marrying into?" Bruce moaned into his faux champagne. "Beekeeping, teat pulling, corn husking-"

"Nice people," Dick finished for him. "Besides, Timmy likes the farm life. So does Damian. They're always so happy to go down to the farm during the holidays."

"Damian, I can understand," Bruce said. "But Tim hadn't been within 100 miles of a farm before he met Kon-El, I can't understand how he likes it."

"It's the lure of the unknown, Bru-bru," Jason said, plopping down next to Bruce.

"What did you call me?"

Jason grinned impishly, in a way that took Bruce back to the memories of the little boy that he had lost. "You heard me."

"I've never been so horrified in my life," Bruce proclaimed, "and I have Seen Things. Tim," Bruce called. "Come on, we're going home. Say goodbye to your fiance."

Tim's eyes grew wet with tears. "Goodbye, my sweet soy bean," he pouted at Kon.

"I'll dream of you tonight, my juicy jackfruit," Kon promised. "Perhaps we shall meet in the dreamscape?"

"Every night," Tim promised in return, clasping Kon's large hand to his tiny bosom.

"For fuck's sake," Jason grumbled, and yanked Tim away to finally head back to Wayne Manor.

Later, in the car, Bruce relaxed in the backseat with his sons as Alfred drove them back home. It was a wonderful evening, and Tim was now engaged to his love. As if he had read Bruce's mind, Jason came forward to ruin his good mood.

As Tim gazed out of the window, sighing dreamily at the landscape rolling past them, Jason hooked a finger in the front of Tim's gown and pulled it forward to peek curiously down at his chest. Tim shrieked thinly and swated his brother's hand away.

"Jason! What the hell!"

Jason shrugged. "Huh. I was wondering how an eighteen year old man didn't have chest hair that showed through the sweetheart neckline of that dress. It's a pretty deep neckline, Timbo."

Tim blushed and muttered something about being 'naturally hairless' and 'not everyone looks like an ape like you, Jason'.

Dick surged to Tim's defence and unbuttoned his own shirt by a few buttons to reveal his perfectly smooth chest. "Some men prefer to wax, Jaybird," he explained earnestly, "and the longer you do it, the thinner the hair grows back-"

"I didn't sign up for a TED talk," Jason protested, as Dick prattled on. Tim readusted his gown and leaned closer to Bruce.

"Protect me," he demanded squeakily, as Bruce slung as arm around his tiny son.

Bruce looked down at Tim, his little fae-like son, so clever, so brilliant, and now betrothed to a farmhand boor. In a scant three years, Bruce wouldn't be able to protect his son, no, that would be the job of his new husband. Tim would leave the nest, and fly away to live on a farm and wear tiny sundresses, only coming to Gotham every morning to run the company.

Bruce wouldn't be able to check on his baby boy at any time he wished, couldn't burn the scandalously tiny clothes, couldn't bar Kon from seeing him anymore. Tim was going away.

"Bruce?"

Bruce focused on the sight of his son in his arms, and thought, screw it. He was always going to be Tim's father, Kon-El or no Kon-El. He was not about to let go of his little boy, not for anyting in the world.

"Of course I'll protect you, Tim," Bruce said, pulling Tim into his side, where the boy snuggled like a small rabbit. "Always."

***

***

TIMMY'S FASHION BLOG

[Tim's engagement gown](https://www.amazon.com/Changuan-Mermaid-Evening-Backless-Embroidery/dp/B071K14RK8/ref=sr_1_238?crid=1QITQU7S294YV&keywords=satin+evening+gowns&qid=1555057930&s=gateway&sprefix=satin+eve%2Caps%2C353&sr=8-238)

[Tim's Ring](https://www.amazon.com/LEEYA-Titanium-Stainless-Polished-Engagement/dp/B01M003Z7K/ref=sr_1_24?keywords=gold+engagement+rings+for+women&qid=1555058251&s=gateway&sr=8-24)

[Tim's gold bangle](https://www.amazon.com/EXCEED-Bohemian-Bracelet-Rhinestone-Bracelets/dp/B072FTNR3H/ref=sr_1_33?crid=2B0Z55BSICO2H&keywords=gold%2Bbracelets%2Bfor%2Bwomen&qid=1555256812&s=gateway&sprefix=gold%2Bbra%2Caps%2C374&sr=8-33&th=1)


End file.
